Bookie Love

My family isnt poor, but they arent rich. I guess you can say we are lower middle class at the best of their finances. I have always been aware of our finances because my parents are not sudtle about anything and as much as they like to think they are good at masking things they wear their hearts on their sleeves (Hence where I get it from unfortunatly). So I know when we were in trouble and as a kid I guess is irked me to constantly hear what hole we were in.

Didnt help that my father constantly reminded me of how much of a financial burden I was. Not by saying big things but off hand things almost as if he were playing around.

"We cant get a car because of you."
"You go to loughlin...that is expensive enough."

Little things over the years but after a while (of 18 years) it gets under the skin and starts to fester doesn't it?

To hlep I escaped into writing. To just stop the guilt and anger from flowing out and I spilled that into writing and for a while it subdued the angery side of me. I guess teenage years and this sorta mental abusive nature (Yes calling it mental abuse) took its toll. I rely on music to drown out the bickering and this Bookie Love is something to be examined.

Bookie love is when you are born into a family that wasnt expecting you. From then on out things were handled with financial precisness to hold the entire unit together. Thats not nesicarilly a bad thing but when you dont mask that from the kid it can lead to resentment, espcially when you remind said child of the financial burden that their life imposses. Main reason why I never want children if it can be helped....would hate to make anyone feel unloved or hated.

Anyone else been the victim of Bookie Love? Me I've been trying to break free of my bookies and what not. Would love to hear from some ppl.

Laterz

Middle Ground

Hello my lovly fan base of.....well....Hello out there.

Been thinking alot on dieting and what that sort of effect that has on the female mind. I mean who thinks this is sexy?

Girl looks like shes about to pass out....GIVE THE GIRL A SANDWHICH!!!!

I mean I am about 160 and I hear nothing but compliments from guys and girls for my legs an etc. I just cant stand to see little girls wanting to die to fit this personification of beauty and we suffer from it. Some diet, purge go into anorexia, and destroy themselves because they arent good enough. I mean I am guilty of that and to this day dont see how pretty I really am and only see pudge but it all ha to do with aspect of beauty.

Dont get me wrong we have an obesity problem

But that is due to our lack of prompting on the parentals part and our sedentary lifestyle an diets.

Getting fit and healthy
Working out a little
GO OUTSIDE!!!!

And little tommy will be able to jog up the stairs without huffing and puffing past the 3rd set of stairs...But we gotta find a middle ground. The true problem is as americans we dont know how to find the middle ground and this throws us spiraling to either side (Politics) but I digress. I guess what Im trying to say is dont go crazy with it people and enjoy life, but dont go over board with it....

What is Respect and when is it deserved

I was told that no matter who the person is, they must earn your respect. This was told to me by my parents and I have a question to you my almost nonexistant followers....do parents automatically get respect or must it be earned? Does a parent have the right to rule you with an iron fist just because they buy everything for you?

What clarifies a good parent?

First Post

A new year and a new aspect....Yeah RIGHT.

I find New Years repugnant and just a sham really. I started this blog to funnel my thoughts into the world because I seem to think a million thoughts per second. It is currently a few minutes past midnight and as usual my insomnia is keeping me up so I thought Id start this blog. I am a writer if no one has guessed but I am. In this economy thought I could very much give up on that little dream. Sadly I am an English major an this leaves nothing to your future apparently.

I'm in college currently and I recently had a professor that just went on and on about just that fact. That we as a generation are screwed and that there is nothing we can do. Yeah a real sweetie if you ask me.

Like I don't have parental to do that for me?

Pushing me to become a cop or a fire woman just to pay the bills for the time being. Problem with that is that once the city system has you they wont let you go for the next 20 years, my mother is a testament to that. I don't want to be like her or most of my family going into something just for the money sakes. You will spend the next 1/3rd  of your life in this place and why be miserable in it. Besides I think there are enough disgruntle cops and Fire people in the force just cause they wanted the money, I don't wanna add to it.

As the years go on its harder and harder to think on the bright side of anything. As a child we are told that the sky is the limit, and we can do anything we want to in life as long as we work hard. But as the years go by and time takes its toll we are told to settle for whatever and not wish for to much (at least thts me) and I just hate it so much. Contradictions, false hope and broken dreams and that for me is beyond depressing. I know its not a happy first post but soon I'll be posting stuff and maybe even pics of my adventures in the city...Who knows... Hopefully I update weekly.

Till then, see ya laters ppl of the wacky worldly Web