My family isnt poor, but they arent rich. I guess you can say we are lower middle class at the best of their finances. I have always been aware of our finances because my parents are not sudtle about anything and as much as they like to think they are good at masking things they wear their hearts on their sleeves (Hence where I get it from unfortunatly). So I know when we were in trouble and as a kid I guess is irked me to constantly hear what hole we were in.
Didnt help that my father constantly reminded me of how much of a financial burden I was. Not by saying big things but off hand things almost as if he were playing around.
"We cant get a car because of you."
"You go to loughlin...that is expensive enough."
Little things over the years but after a while (of 18 years) it gets under the skin and starts to fester doesn't it?
To hlep I escaped into writing. To just stop the guilt and anger from flowing out and I spilled that into writing and for a while it subdued the angery side of me. I guess teenage years and this sorta mental abusive nature (Yes calling it mental abuse) took its toll. I rely on music to drown out the bickering and this Bookie Love is something to be examined.
Bookie love is when you are born into a family that wasnt expecting you. From then on out things were handled with financial precisness to hold the entire unit together. Thats not nesicarilly a bad thing but when you dont mask that from the kid it can lead to resentment, espcially when you remind said child of the financial burden that their life imposses. Main reason why I never want children if it can be helped....would hate to make anyone feel unloved or hated.
Anyone else been the victim of Bookie Love? Me I've been trying to break free of my bookies and what not. Would love to hear from some ppl.
Laterz
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